3815th

I was in a conversation with a dear old friend of mine the serial dater. She has always agreed to meet guys on the several dates that her friends and relatives set up for her. Ok, maybe “several” was a bit of understatement. She claimed, she has gone through, at least 3814 dates.

Talk about being optimistic. I told her, if I had to go through what she had gone through, meeting countless of guys (3814 guys according to her), and still not finding the one that clicked with me, I would lose all hopes. I asked her, what kept her going on.

“Well, each time before the set up date, I would go to the beauty salon, got my hair done, dressed up nicely, with the hope that this time, it might be the one”. She said.

Still, I couldn’t help to think that, at some point, perhaps after the 2955^th failed date, I would at least lose some hope. I mean, come on. Nobody could be that optimistic. I might not even be able to go that far. I’d probably have given up after the 6^th failed date. But she kept on going.

Her societal restrictions were far worse than mine. Her restrictions told her to not only find an Indonesian guy with the same religion, but also to find a guy who came from the same ethnic group (yes, it is that crazy in Indonesia, and please don’t judge. that’s just the way it is). Thus, her option was to go for serial set-up dates. Friends and relatives might have a good candidate taking into account all the restrictions.

I asked her, “Don’t you start doubting yourself at one point, where all those guys you have met are just not your type?” I mean, if you only had to go through six failed dates, then proooobably you could escape by thinking that you just haven’t met the right one. But if you had gone through (oh, I so don’t believe her number) 3814 dates, wouldn’t you start thinking that probably there was something wrong with you, or perhaps you were just being too picky?

“Nope”. She answered. “When it doesn’t click, it just doesn’t click. I know there’s nothing wrong with me. It’s just how you see things”.

Talk about being positive.

But finally, she met the right one. The 3815^th.

She is so sure about this guy, rumor has it, that she might marry him if he proposed. And she’s thinking of marrying him not two years from now, not next year, when she would have some time to get to know him better. She said, “I might marry him this year”.

I asked her deliberately, “Are you sure about it? How can you be so sure? You don’t know him that well”.

“I feel comfortable when I’m around him. I just know it. And believe me my dear, when you have gone through 3814 dates, you just know”.

No shit. She got that right, I guess.

(of course, she was exaggerating with the number. but she did go through a lot of set-up dates)

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To: those girls who are just the eternal optimists and bloody positive (I guess I’m just not that strong) but just keep finding your sushi guy! I know I am.

ps: shit! I broke my "Q" on my keyboard as I was typing this.

Foolish.. ;-)

I couldn’t help to pose a smile whenever I remembered how stupid I became when in love. The corny stuff I said, the silly things I did, the icky thoughts I had. Where to begin? Oh yes, the nicknames to call each other: honey, sweetie, pumpkin, muffins, sweet pea, handsome, hihihi… Indonesians also have loads of these. From ‘yayang’ which resembles 'dear' or ‘honey’; ‘cin’ which is short for ‘love’; ‘abang’ which literally means brother but kinda kinky. Oh gosh…

Then the punch lines I used by picking up a title from a song, like ‘I miss you when you’re gone’; ‘I’ll be there for you’; ‘With every beat of my heart’; ‘I’m so in love with you’ hahahah… scary.

And eventhough the two of us had just come back from a date, and the fact that we had just seen each other for the whole freakin day, didn’t stop us from texting each other after the date - and still calling each other after he arrived home safely. Sometimes only to say: Hi honey, I had a great time, have a good night and sleep tight sweetie.

The seemingly sweet gestures like searching for that ‘perfect’ birthday present, and the way we would try to outdo each other in showing the gesture, could also be silly. I had to twist my brains out before each birthday. Some superstitious people warned me, that if I didn’t want to break up with my boyfriend, I shouldn’t give them perfumes or scarves or handkerchiefs, which of course would be the easiest choice, and I still did anyway despite the warnings. They turned out to be true since I did break up with them…hahahahah… And I figured, the boyfriends must have had some troubles in finding me a birthday present as well, that somehow they too chose the easiest shortcuts: flowers or teddy bears… ;-)

Once, I ran out of ideas that I only gave him a poem… written in a handmade card of which I decorated myself… hahahaha… how cheap! Of course I thought, what would be more perfect than a poem? I’m good at writing them ;-).

The silliest things don’t stop there though. Once, my office mate told me, that she always tried to avoid giving her partner ‘things with sharp edges’ as presents – like scissors, knives, or nail cutters - because they too could break a relationship. One would surely wonder who on earth would ever thought giving things with sharp edges as birthday presents…, but these things do come as presents, like that handy Swiss Army knife for the adventurous types.

And mixed tapes! Mixed tapes have got to be the winner of birthday presents. There once the time when CD burners had not yet existed and people still recorded songs from cassette recorders. I have had my share of creating mixed tapes myself, from finding the songs, pressing the play or stop button at the right time, adjusting the volume, hihihi… a whole day spent to produce the ‘perfect’ gift.

Must say though, silly or corny as they may seem, I’d still do them if it involved the guy I really-really like ;-)